Abysmality

Blackness engulfs.
Manage to come up for air.
This creates vacuum that sucks me back down.
Why bother to fight it?

There is no relief.
Things do not 'work out.'
My life on the downward arc.
This inertia cannot be overcome.

Today my father was discussing the idea
that he might outlive me.
I told him it is very likely.
He was running his hand against my forearm.

Hip pain has returned. Fingers in constant pain.
Headaches, no relief.
Why continue?
No one depends on me/ no real loss...

Antagonism all around me.
Is that something I should want to be around?
Please, let me go.
I have nothing to give.