45. No hope, no love, but I continue to manufacture purpose

Tomorrow I'll be 45. 45. Such a difference 5 years has made. This birthday approaches with no fanfare, really no connections. No Love. No Hope. But I still have family, and I continue to try to manufacture purpose. 

I took the Kid on a blitz of Walt Disney World. We visited 3 parks. I attempted to get him to the more age appropriate rides: Rock & Roller Coaster, Star Tours @ the Studios; Mission: Space, Test Track @ EPCOT; and Expedition Everest @ Animal Kingdom. There was some fill in at both EPCOT & the Studios. 

I, however, was unable to complete portions of the blitz with him. Thankfully, my sister was there and took up the slack. My feet wouldn't move. Like two cinder blocks filled with cement & stuck on the bottom of my legs, they just wouldn't budge. I spent the last two hours on a bench near the entrance, and it took me 1/2 hour to walk out to the truck. My sister led the kid around during that time. We then went for a wonderful dinner at Delmonicos. It was truly something. 

Despite everything, I feel so lucky & blessed. Sure, no Hope. Sure, no Love. But I am now living on memories. People have been very generous to me over the years. I have survived, and at times thrived. I have loved & felt love. I have lived with hope. Life is good. I have no complaints. Right now, my focus is this Kid.